Posted by: April Hawks | April 1, 2012

Absent Minded

It has been FAR too long since I have posted. Many things have happened and life is moving SO quickly. I have been thinking a lot lately about posting and was sad that I haven’t. So the kids are in bed and hubby is playing Star Wars online and here I am!

I have been, as I usually do this time of year, delving into the supernatural side of life. I typically begin reading craft books but this spring, I have been devouring all things ghost. I have been reading true ghost stories and legends. I also read a fantastic book called Ghost by Katherine Ramsland. I joined the Maine Ghost Hunters and have been eyeballing cemeteries, wondering if I have the courage to actually take photos in one at dusk. Or from outside one.  I have the overwhelming desire to try EVP sessions. I have been watching ghost hunt videos online and want to go buy all sorts of equipment and go out and search. I want to try to make contact with ghosts in a really tangible way. All of my experiences, though I believe them, have been conversational and for lack of a better word psychic in nature. I would love to take photos and record Electronic Voice Phenomena. The possibilities are endless and exciting.

The kids are growing and thriving and busy and nuts. As they should be.

This weekend was fun and busy. Egg hunt, house-warming party and dinner and a movie with NO KIDS. It was beautiful. I made new friends, saw many people I went to school with and I feel like there was something cosmically odd this weekend. Not bad, just odd. I can not remember going out and seeing 5 people I knew in one night (other than the people I was with.) 1 or 2, maybe…

I got my hair cut, about 6 to 8 inches off it. It is a great spring cut and I am super proud of my wifey Jaymi for cutting it for me. It came out perfect!

Tonight is a night to relax, so I am off for the night, but I will be back very soon. I will not be away as long this time.

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Posted by: April Hawks | February 14, 2012

Kreativ Blogger Award

I have been nominated for the Kreativ Blogger Award by Christine Speno. It is an honor to be nominated and I apologize profusely for my negligence in posting on the topic.

To accept the award, one must post ten things that their readers may not know about them as well as listing six blogs that they think are outstanding and deserve nomination as well. In the spirit of the award, I had a wonderful time perusing the blogs and selecting six that I thought were also worthy.

In no particular order, here are my selections for nomination. I have chosen six categories that I am fond of and found blogs therein.

Blogging~The Paltry Meanderingsof a Taller than Average Woman

Books~ Writer’s Rambles

Poetry~ Apologize with Lies

Recipes~ Disseminated Thoughts

Drama~ A Day in the Life of Me

Humor~ Jessseeker

These blogs are great, and because I found them and enjoyed them so much, I follow them now. :)

Now on to sharing ten things about myself that my readers might not know:

1) I am the proud kitty mumma of a cat that does not live with me any more. I saw him this past Sunday at my uncle’s house and my beautiful Merlyn is doing well.

2) I was the same age at the birth of my first biological son that my mother was at my birth. We were 24.(ok…I was 2 months shy, but it was pretty close)

3) I was 14 when my eldest step-son was born. I tease my husband mercilessly about that. He was 21 at the time.

4) My very first car was a 1994 maroon Ford Taurus that I named Brigid after the Celtic Goddess of Hearth, Healing and Poetry. Next time, I will not name a car after a deity with fire associations. Through the course of her life after a minor accident and backyard repairs, she used to burn through wires and electrical tape several times a day.

5) My favorite holiday is Halloween. I love to dress up and when I can, I dress as Dawn Queen of the Witches, a comic book character. I adore Salem, Massachusetts in October and would spend the whole month there if money were no object.

6) For as long as I can remember, I wanted at least four children, most likely because I was one of four children myself. However, I assumed I was going to have girls…at least one. I was wrong. We have four boys between my husband and I. I love them dearly, all of them, and wouldn’t trade them for anything. I would have dozens of kids if I could afford them…and a maid.

7) I met my husband at school. He was in the first college class that I took at Southern New Hampshire University in 2006. We did not begin to date until well after that class was over, but we were friends through the class.

8) I scrapbook, although I have not recently. I have more scrapbook supplies than I can use in this lifetime, but I am ok with that. You never know what you are going to need.

9) My great-grandfather was a published author and I have copies of all of the books that he wrote and self published. I bought them off Amazon because I thought that the idea of owning copies that had been out in the world and read was wonderful. I even got autographed copies long after he passed away.  Hants A. White is my personal hero and I miss him dearly. He used to call himself Hayseed Hank in the letters he wrote. His books, just as a warning, are written by a man from northern Maine who wrote about the depression. They are a good insight into the mindset of the era, but not always Politically Correct.

10) My mother used to tell me that her eyes were bluer before I was born but that I took the blue out of her eyes when I was born. I didn’t believe her…until Kayden was born. The first time I looked into the mirror after his birth I jumped because my eyes were less blue than they had been before…much greener.

I hope that you enjoyed this post and I am terribly sorry that I was so long in posting it. Again, I am grateful for the nomination. Read Christine’s blog, too! Words Etc. It is very well written and fun to read!

 

 

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Posted by: April Hawks | February 9, 2012

Sad Spiral

When you are in a depression, how do you pull yourself out? How do you recognize it? Is there a way to turn your thoughts around to reflect the outcome you would prefer? In other words, can you think yourself out of a depression? When you notice that sadness has been holding your hand and staying with you, can you pull your hand away and get up off the couch?

I have battled depression for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I win. Sometimes it wins. Some days, I am constantly at the edge of tears. Others I can laugh and play with my kids. And in the last few years many of the issues I have had for my whole life have improved. Maybe not by “normal” standards, but in my eyes I have made progress. But whatever I accomplish, each day is a struggle.

What I have noticed, though, is that even when I am in the midst of despair, there are some things that I know for certain. I value my family. I adore them. Even when I am in my deepest depths, they make me happy. They shine a light into the darkness. Some days, the darkness only allows a pen light in, but they are that penlight. Whatever happiness that is constant, is my family.

I know that at my worst, I go numb. When it all seems too overwhelming, my feelings evaporate leaving me a functioning zombie…except for the whole rotting and eating brains thing. I shut down emotionally. Those are the days that I don’t feel on the verge of crying, even though I know on a cognitive level that things are not going well at all. I do what I need to do, and that is all. Those are the days that I just want to sleep. Sleep until it is all better. Climb into the cocoon of covers and the warmth of my bed and lay in the darkness until everything sorts itself out. Of course, life doesn’t work like that. Especially with three kids. So I function. I have no other choice.

 

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Posted by: April Hawks | February 5, 2012

Silent Strain

There is an unease on days like today, a tension rippling through my very being.

Today is another in a long line of child filled, busy days. Don’t misunderstand me, I love my children and I love that I am a stay at home mumma. However, it is days like today that strain on my patience. My littlest boy refuses a nap today. When I put him in his room, he played for a while and then proceeded to yell and band on the door until he was retrieved from his bed. This would not always be a problem, but he woke up his father, who worked last night. Though he is squealing in glee, the sound is grating in my ears today for lack of respite.

I had plans for his nap time; plans for chores, plans for relaxation, plans for time to myself. These plans have been pierced by the over tired whining and continuous “Mumma” that issue forth from a two-year old. Though he smiles at me in impish innocence, his smiles, today, are rarely more than two feet away from me. He has been in my lap, in my arms, tickling and chattering to me. He has grabbed my hand from where ever I am, whatever I am doing, and he has pulled me to his tasks. Again, I love to play with him and we have done so, but there is no break, no rest. He jumps from the couch, despite my admonitions.Today is full of noise, which is to be expected with children, but oh how I was looking forward to nap time. Selfishly, I feel cheated. And for that, I feel guilty.

 

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Posted by: April Hawks | February 1, 2012

Explaining My Absence

This week has been a super busy one. ViSalus business has been taking off, my kids are CRAZY, and my 85 year old grandfather was admitted into the hospital on Thursday.

I met a personal goal of mine with my ViSalus work, and then helped a friend meet hers. That was terrific and we have a blast partying and planning our challenge parties. We cut it close, meeting our goals at the last minute, but the company was giving us a second chance to accomplish it and it is the only part of the business that has any sort of a time limit.

My kids are always insane, in the typical way that an eight, five and two year old are expected to be. I made the mistake of spending the night before last sleeping on our pull out sofa with TWO two year olds. That was the worst night of sleep I have had in a LONG time.I will not be doing that again any time soon! Lol. Jaymi, Riley is always welcome over. He may just get the beanbag :)

My family and I went to the hospital last night to visit Pepere. He was admitted on Thursday and had 40 gallstones removed. Yeah. That was not a typo. 40 gallstones. The doctors were wondering how, exactly, he has managed to walk around for the last six months or so. Most people would have collapsed from the pain. He is a tough old man. Luckily, he has made it through two surgeries within four days like a champ. It took two surgeries just to get all the stones out. He looked really good last night, though, and I am thankful.

There is a lot of great stuff coming up within the next two months and I am looking forward to it! Goals to be met, family time, business booming. One of my goals is to figure out how to get my toddler to sleep before 10:30. I think I am going to use the gift certificate his brother gave me to buy a book that a friend recommended to me. :) As soon as I remember what book that was…

Thank you for tuning in again!

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Posted by: April Hawks | January 26, 2012

My Mind has Wanderlust

What book are you currently reading?

I am in the middle of book five of the Wayfarer Redemption series. I adore these books by Sara Douglass. She has a talent for weaving words in a believable and fascinating way. I love all the characters that she presents in the book, for they all have virtues and faults. She opens the minds of all her players in the story, both hero and villain and in many cases she demonstrates the path that made each person such.

She embraces the world in which her characters dance and illustrates the intrinsic beauty all around. Throughout her books, losses open the doors to new discoveries and the series demonstrates the themes of life, death and rebirth in a clear and believable way. Though the writing in the book, the language itself, is reminiscent of earlier times in our history, one can not help but wonder where the books take place because to see what she has described would be nothing less than magic.

Fantasy is a wonderful word to describe her books, but I am not sure it is enough. I am not sure that there is a single word that could define the realm that Ms. Douglass has created in this series, nor in her series The Troy Game. Over the course of the last five years, I have read all the books in the Wayfarer Redemption series, but I am currently reading the whole series back to back and will move on to the next series I have in my collection that she wrote when I am finished.

She is a master at the craft of writing, and I can only hope that someday I am able to touch her skill in the faintest way.

If you have not read this series, I highly recommend it.

Happy Reading!

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Posted by: April Hawks | January 25, 2012

All the Way to the Scene of the Crash…

Last night, once again, I fell asleep on the couch. I was waiting for the laundry to be done washing and I passed out. I woke up at about two thirty this morning, changed the laundry over to the dryer and headed up the stairs to go to bed.

No sooner had I walked into my room than I heard “Mumma.” Crap. Here we go again…

I went into the boys’ room and stretched out with Spencer for a few minutes, hoping he would fall back asleep. Nope. He looked at me with half closed eyes and said “Night night Mumma, Night Night Daddy.”

“You want to go night night with Mummy and Daddy?”

“Yeah”

“Ok.”

Off we shuffle to my room. He proceeded to scream so I brought him downstairs. So there I was, back on the couch. I brought him back upstairs and into my room shortly after that. He pressed his back into my back, braced himself against me and he kicked Chris in the…ahem…yeah. He was not happy to be in bed with us. Eventually, around three or so, he fell asleep. This did not increase my ability to sleep, though. That little boy can fill up a queen sized bed.

Fast forward to this morning, Spencer was a cranky boy. He finally crawled up onto the couch, cuddled up with his cup and his pillow and passed out. There he sleeps…for now…

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Posted by: April Hawks | January 24, 2012

A Little V.A. Mayhem

Today was a very, very, VERY long day. Not really an I’ve-been-working-all-day-on-lifting-boulders-the-size-of-Kentucky kind of day. More of an I’ve-been-sitting-in-office-chairs-all-freaking-day-long kind of day. My husband and I spent six hours at the Veteran’s Administration today. That was for three appointments.

My husband, who has been awake since 9 am yesterday morning, was running on 32 hours without sleep by the time we eventually escaped. It was productive, in a sitting and talking to people way. And we don’t have to do it again for a long time, which is good.

While we were outside, smoking a cigarette, we discovered the unofficial guard-mouse of the VA.

Let me back up a bit. You know those really obvious plastic rocks? The ones that are clearly hide-a-key rocks, complete with a seam that shows where the two parts were joined? We saw one of those and began to figure out why this building would have a hide a key. It was bigger than the average plastic rock, so I surmised that it must cover a pipe cap of some sort. My husband then, his curiosity piqued, went over and lifted the boulder easily with his foot to peer underneath it. When he flipped it over a mouse scampered out of a hole on the back of the thing. It wasn’t a hide-a-key at all! It was a hide-a-mouse! So, I named the mouse Rocky (original, I know…I am wicked clever.) and we dubbed him the guard mouse of the VA. I even took pictures on my phone. When I figure out how to transfer them from my phone to this site, I will do that.

If you are unimpressed with my sense of humor in this post, I am sorry. You try sitting in appointments all day long and see how quickly your brain cells are firing. Lol.

So here I sit, watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and finding it to be appropriate for my mental functional ability at this moment. I am drinking Pepsi and praying to the caffeine gods that I am able to catch a second…or fourth…whatever…wind tonight that I might get some work done.

With that thought, I am low on Pepsi. I am going to refill my cup.

Thank you for tuning again to witness my dysfunction. Lol.

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Posted by: April Hawks | January 23, 2012

Criminally Minded, again.

Watching my fave show again, on ION. I am regaining energy after a day with not enough sleep.

I am so excited! I met with a friend of mine and he looked over my manuscript. He seems to solidly believe in what I have going, which is really cool. We sat for about an hour and a half, talking about the story, the characters and filling in holes in my plot. I know that he was nervous to go over the notes he took on my story, but I was super excited! He was worried that I was going to get mad or upset. I was thrilled! I came back home both believing in myself and my work. That was more than I could have asked for.

I am waiting for laundry to be done washing, then I get to switch it to the dryer, and then I get to go to bed! This girl needs more than 5 hours of sleep. Six would be nice. Lol.

Having said that, I have a busy day tomorrow and I am going to relax tonight.

Thank you for reading my post!

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Posted by: April Hawks | January 23, 2012

Hot Dog!

We are watching back to back episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse this morning. Spencer loves the Hot Dog Dance at the end. He has also discovered (with my help) that he can watch the ‘hot gog’ dance on YouTube. We also watch Mana Mana and Beaker’s Ode to Joy. He giggles so  much!

I went to an amazing ViSalus Local Success Training yesterday and I am completely fired up and ready to get moving on my business and reach my goals! The presenters of the training, Scott Whittney, Matt and Tracey Pouliot, Sharon and Todd Gagne and Secha Rich and Lee Glynn were motivated and motivating. Any time that I talk to them, I can see how dedication and hard work can create your dreams and make you reach them. I took PAGES of notes about creating and ensuring a successful business and left feeling like I had had a steady ViSalus drip right into my bloodstream. Invincible and energized.

However, I also learned not to have any more business meetings until midnight the night before I have a training in the morning. I was feeling great all day yesterday, tons of energy and enthusiasm. Today, however, I am sleepy. Lol.

I have written out goals that I want to achieve, ranging from little goals (like having the money to get my hair and nails done on a regular basis) to medium goals (like paying off my student loans) to my wicked big goals (those are for me, but I will tell you when I reach them) Today will be spent on planning my upcoming party and rewriting the notes that I took at the training. I also plan to clean my kitchen and to write more in my novel…or at least work on typing it up more.

I have come up method of motivating myself. I came up with it a few months ago and today will be day one of actually doing it. Every day, I am going to come up with a list of things that I have accomplished over the course of the day. It can be anything that I have done, ranging from successfully getting my kids on the bus to writing in my novel to…well…anything! I tend to overlook all the things that I do during the course of the day and then at the end of the day I feel like I have accomplished nothing or not enough. I need to keep in perspective what it is that I get done in a day. And then, when I am having a rough day, I can go to the stack of papers that I will have created, and read in detail all the things I have done.

I am about to sign off this post for a while and begin to accomplish my to do list, but before I do… Do you want to change your life? Do you want to feel better every day? What do you want to accomplish?  I can help you with accomplishing your dreams as I accomplish mine!  My ViSalus Website can help you as well! If you want more money, if you have health goals, if you have any dreams you want to accomplish, 2012 is your year! To paraphrase Scott Whitney at yesterday’s training…If you want your life to be different, you have to change it. You can’t wait for it to change around you.

Brightest Blessing my friends!

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